Just One (Sus)Man’s Opinion: I Can’t Go Wrong Thinking ‘Justice League’ Will Suck

I, Ric Susman, am channeling my inner “Parker Lewis” right now. Because when it comes to the Justice League movie, I, like Parker, can’t lose.

When the movie was announced I was instantly concerned. Man of Steel wasn’t great, BvS: DoJ was terrible (It was Green Lantern bad.), so I was pretty sure JL would also be, as the French say, “Le Butt Trash.”

Since we are just 3 weeks (Really!) away from the biggest movie for the entire DCEU and what could be the most important movie in DC Comics history period, I have come to a conclusion. No matter what happens, I am going to come out smelling like a rose.

This is the very simple math that will confirm the impossibility of my “losing.” Either (a) this movie is terrible and I was right to call it such from jump, or (b) this movie is great and I have to eat crow for a wonderful reason. I would be over the moon with (b). It means that my favorite characters and my favorite universe are finally moving in the right direction on the big screen. So, if I have to admit I was wrong, I am TOTALLY DOWN with that.

However, if it’s (a) and this movie is the most dumpstery fire in the history of dumpsters being on fire, then I was right all along. If you listen to our show, you know that I value being right a hell of a lot more than being happy. So I would be very proud to have predicted this outcome, while also being devastated that the film I’ve been waiting my whole life for sucked all the ass.

So, there you have it. I either win, or a take an L but still win because Justice League wasn’t terrible. No matter how you slice it, I can’t really lose. Parker Lewis may be gone but his spirit lives on in my general disdain and modicum of hope.

-The Sus-Man

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Volume 8, Episode 8: #OrlandoUnited, Believeland and the BvS Ultimate Edition

The Jerks are a little more somber than usual after a major tragedy happens in their backyard, but they still find time to talk about LeBron’s legacy in Believeland, Ichiro’s hits record, and Kimbo Slice. Plus, could the Batman v. Superman: Ultimate Edition actually be good? Find out what the new and improved studio robot Duo-Cron thinks. T2J – proud to make their home in Orlando!

Those Two Jerks: Volume 8, Episode 8

Volume 8, Episode 7: RIP Muhammad Ali, Captain America in Hydra and Fanboy Butthurt

The Jerks remember The Greatest, break down the next phase of MLB’s “Just Stay Open” plan (rule changes!), and Dana White’s strong-arm tactics with the media. Plus, new footage for the Batman v. Superman Blu-ray, a new director for The Flash movie, and a new wave of fanboy vitriol over Ghostbusters, Captain America and DC: Rebirth! It would take 700 episodes of the leading podcast to equal the funny in one episode of Total-er, T2J!

Those Two Jerks: Volume 8, Episode 7

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Volume 8, Episode 3: MLB Season Begins and What’s Next for the DC Movie Universe

Things get somewhat back to normal for the Jerks, as they rundown the beginning of the MLB season, check in on the Warriors’ race for the NBA wins record, and analyze what’s next for the DC Universe on film after Batman v. Superman under-performed. T2J: The Cure for the Common Podcast!

Those Two Jerks: Volume 8, Episode 3

Volume 8, Episode 2: Jerks v. Batman v. Superman

After YEARS of coverage and discussion, the Jerks FINALLY saw Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice. What did they think? Find out in our extended, very special episode!

Those Two Jerks: Volume 8, Episode 2

Volume 8, Episode 1:The QB Shuffle, Ghostbusters and Spider-Man

We’re finally to Volume 8! The jerks run down the NFL QB carousel and baseball Hall of Famer Goose Gossage’s “interesting” take on the state of the game today. Plus, a break down of the two trailers for the new Ghostbusters, early positive reviews for Batman v. Superman, and something else we forgot–oh, wait–SPIDER-MAN! Also, you don’t want to miss Tom’s car story. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll feel a lot better about your own life! Those Two Jerks: We tried to register OUR secret identities with the government, but they didn’t want to know.

Those Two Jerks: Volume 8, Episode 1

Volume 7, Episode 10: We’re Still Here, and the Lesson of Deadpool

Reports of their deaths were greatly exaggerated! The Jerks return with an outsider’s review of Super Bowl 50, a discussion of Johnny Manziel and Peyton Manning’s woes, and predictions for the new MLB season. Plus, Hollywood learns the wrong lesson from Deadpool’s success, something lame in the neighborhood from the new Ghostbusters, and why Fuller House pisses Tom off. T2J: Back by No One’s Demand!

Those Two Jerks: Volume 7, Episode 10