Just One (Sus)Man’s Opinion: I Can’t Go Wrong Thinking ‘Justice League’ Will Suck

I, Ric Susman, am channeling my inner “Parker Lewis” right now. Because when it comes to the Justice League movie, I, like Parker, can’t lose.

When the movie was announced I was instantly concerned. Man of Steel wasn’t great, BvS: DoJ was terrible (It was Green Lantern bad.), so I was pretty sure JL would also be, as the French say, “Le Butt Trash.”

Since we are just 3 weeks (Really!) away from the biggest movie for the entire DCEU and what could be the most important movie in DC Comics history period, I have come to a conclusion. No matter what happens, I am going to come out smelling like a rose.

This is the very simple math that will confirm the impossibility of my “losing.” Either (a) this movie is terrible and I was right to call it such from jump, or (b) this movie is great and I have to eat crow for a wonderful reason. I would be over the moon with (b). It means that my favorite characters and my favorite universe are finally moving in the right direction on the big screen. So, if I have to admit I was wrong, I am TOTALLY DOWN with that.

However, if it’s (a) and this movie is the most dumpstery fire in the history of dumpsters being on fire, then I was right all along. If you listen to our show, you know that I value being right a hell of a lot more than being happy. So I would be very proud to have predicted this outcome, while also being devastated that the film I’ve been waiting my whole life for sucked all the ass.

So, there you have it. I either win, or a take an L but still win because Justice League wasn’t terrible. No matter how you slice it, I can’t really lose. Parker Lewis may be gone but his spirit lives on in my general disdain and modicum of hope.

-The Sus-Man

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Just One (Sus) Man’s Opinion: Why the Yankees Have Ruined Baseball

So, the New York Yankees knocked out the Indians and have moved on to the ALCS. In doing so the Yankees have effectively killed baseball.

How could that be, you may ask? I’ll tell you. Baseball is in a very weird time right now, where it is looking less and less likely that the mantra of “Just Stay Open” is going to work. Baseball needs something, and last year we got the end of the worst drought in the history of the sport: the Chicago Cubs won the World Series

The Cubs left one team with a legendary losing streak to vanquish. That team is the Cleveland Indians, a team that was so good during the regular season they set a record, winning 22 games in a row!

Did this matter to the “Evil Empire”? Would they recognize that another Yankees pennant could mean the end of anyone outside of New York caring about baseball ever again? Of course not. The Yankees did what the Yankees do: they found a way to ruin everyone’s fun and ruined baseball.

Now, we all have to hope that the Houston Astros recognize that they need to lay down to the Yankees so the Cubs (Assuming they can get the job done tonight) can vanquish the Empire once and for all.

In fact, the bigger story than the Indians ending their drought would have been the Cubs winning two in a row. Nothing would cement the “return” of baseball than the Cubs slaying the dragon of the Yankees. I mean now that the Indians couldn’t get the job done.

But what happens if the Cubs lose to the Los Angeles Dodgers and the Astros take down the Yankees? Maybe we have a great story for the people of Houston, who could certainly use a great end to a terrible year, and the Texans aren’t going to provide it.

That won’t happen, of course. No, somehow, someway, we will have the LA/NY series that everyone will roll their eyes at because of how obvious it will be. Because the Yankees are a blight on the world and the Dodgers are just a less-successful version of the Yankees.

Meanwhile, it’s almost time for us to start thinking about next year, and the Mets are already mathematically eliminated from the playoffs. #stillmad

-The Sus-Man